i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
