Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Quick, to the slutcave!

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(760): View more from California

Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha

(1-760): View more from California

I hate my life

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(804): View more from Virginia

Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?

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(507): View more from Minnesota

How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation

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(252): View more from North Carolina

it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet

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(903): View more from Texas

I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.

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(509): View more from Washington

Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter

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(713): View more from Texas

Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.

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