I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize