thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize