what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
