omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
