I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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