I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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