Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
