Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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