giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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