i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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