The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
