i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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