I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
