Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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