I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
