Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
