thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Too much gin, very little bucket
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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