He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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