so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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