yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
