Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
