so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
