They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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