I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
