do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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