forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
