So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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