it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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