The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
