brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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