what if every blade of grass was a penis?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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