Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
