she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
