You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
