Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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