i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
