apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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