Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I look better un-naked...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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