she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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