Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
