My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So vagazzling was a success
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
