Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he was CRYING into my vagina
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize