my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
