it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
