i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
