it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
