A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
