someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
