i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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