No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
