It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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