Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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