Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm getting married
To pizza
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize