think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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