i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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