so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
