elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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