why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
