Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
