awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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