You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
