i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
