hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
