Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
