My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
