he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
